I see him. There across the street – Lawrence of Arabia (see previous blog post) – wrapped in the same soaked sleeping bag, shuffling down the street. I have to admit that as I drove here (Peets Coffee) I scanned the streets looking for him. Was I hoping to find him and have another moment that pushed more clarity into my still hazy perspective and future? Was I secretly hoping I wouldn’t see him so the natural ‘what happened this time’ question could be avoided? I am actually not sure. And if I had to choose? To borrow from a friend and lead pastor – “It’s not an either/or, it’s a both/and.”
I can’t tell you how many times I have a conversation about my interaction with ‘Lawrence’ or how many times I think about our conversation… “yeah, I like it out here” set against the lyrics of the song as it screams to “piss it all away, flush it all away” – and I am on the way to the office, to take care of the church (Church?). Is that wrong? Should I forsake everything and become a Mother Teresa archetype? Should I go to the church (notice small ‘c’) and try to get the Church (notice big ‘C’) out of the church (notice small ’c’) and into the community in real, tangible and authentic relationships?
Again I borrow = “It’s not an either/or, it’s a both/and.”
At least, I hope that is true.
I spoke about leadership today to a group of Bible college students, profs and a dean. The things that came to the surface…Jesus came to serve (Mark 10:43-45), what matters? faith expressed in love (Gal. 5:6) and it is not easy but we keep going because of Christ. I talked about ‘Lawrence of Arabia’ and his life and impact on me – and then it happened. In reference to what the church spends much of its time doing and how little has changed in as long as I can remember (connecting Christians with other Christians to make us better Christians so our Christian stuff will be a better representation of being a Christian), I said, “What the h*ll are we doing?!” – I had prepared everyone to expect something like that, but that’s not what happened. What happened was what I didn’t expect to happen: my bottom lip quivered and my eyes tingled = I almost got emotional over a homeless guy, my job and the relationship of the Church with the community. Talk about a surprise. The last time I got emotional in front of a group of people was….. uh, it happened when I ….. , well you get the idea. Then, just as fast as it hit me, it was gone.
So what?
Well, I don’t really know, but I wonder…
>How many times did Jesus get emotional about people, His Church and the Community?
>Why does everyone know the shortest verse in the Bible is ‘Jesus wept?’
>How many of those same people know what He wept over?
>When was the last time we, the Church, wept about people – neighbors and strangers and nationals and family and …..?
>What is next? (people, place, effort, money, etc…)
So should I have cussed or should I have been more ‘in control’ – I think there is something good to be said about both. The dean told me I wasn’t going to get ‘in trouble’ and some students wanted my e-mail. They talked about bringing me back soon – time will tell. I guess that really, when all is said and done, “It’s not an either/or, it’s a both/and.”
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Here's why I started a blog
Welcome
Here is what is pushing me to blog....(sorry it's long - I'll work on that)
So I had something pop in my heart and head today that I am still trying to get a clear perspective on. I spoken about twice with different people and it is not much clearer than when I began. So here it is – for you to read and digest and ___________ (you fill in the blank).
A few weeks ago: I went to the Portland Homeless Connect at the Convention Center – incredible opportunity to receive assistance and tangible help (everything from dental and vision to identification cards and clothing, even temporary housing). I left and went to grab a slice at my bro-in-law’s NE Broadway and 15th Schmizza. I passed a homeless guy – hoping he wouldn’t ask me for anything – but then I was drawn back to him to tell what was happening at the convention center. I did, he smiled, and we went our separate ways.
Today: I am stopping by NE Broadway and 15th Peet’s for a beverage and maybe a new insulated cup – one that will fit in the cup holders of my ‘new-to-me’ car. As I find a place to park, there is the same homeless dude – right there where I am parking. I contemplate ‘making a phone call’ and looking the other way, but choose to get moving instead. As I get out of my car, the homeless dude looks, recognizes me and says “hey, man” in a friendly I-remember-you manner.
I say hello and ask him if ever went to get some help that day we talked. He said he got some food, and could I get him some orange juice. At that moment I was suspended among a few things: he smelled worse than any other human I have ever encountered; do I do this when I know he gets cash thrown his way constantly (he buys pizza from my bro-in-law); how does this help?
So I get him OJ and he says thanks. I encourage him to watch for the next Portland Homeless Connect…”unless you want to be out here (on the street)” – he smiles, laughs a little, looks me in the eye and honestly says he likes being out here. I ask him his name, “Lawrence of Arabia” and he opens the drenched sleeping bag he is wrapped in – letting out the combined smell of dirt, urine, feces – and extends a hand to me. What do I do? He is without a doubt the worst smelling human I have ever been around, his fingernails are surrounded in black sick crud, he is covered in filth – so I take his hand, shake, look in his eye and tell him that I’m ‘Randy of Portland’ – he smiles and says see ya around.
I go wash my hand, get my beverage and try to not walk to close to him as I head back to my car – which I still don’t have a good coffee cup for (perspective).
I am perplexed, but I have to get to the office – there are things to get done, phone calls to make, schedules to prepare, needs to be met, etc…. As I reflect on the experience I am drawn towards the loud rockin’ music whose singer is saying ‘he wished the world would be destroyed, we’re all idiots and deserve to drown and that God is stupid.’ = He probably wrote those lyrics in a sweet hotel room or a killer house, or maybe he wrote it when he crashed his $500,000 car into a wall because he was drunk – you get the picture.
What a perspective.
I just talked with, and then still tried to avoid, a homeless dude that likes where he is at (remember his smell and clothes), while I drove my nice car to a good job while the band sang about how lame God and the world are.
How does this all fit together? I don’t really know.
But it has impacted my perspective.
This really needs to be more a conversation than a reading. Both conversations I have had have been much clearer than this attempt to write a ‘short’ e-mail.
Trying to not be busy,
Randy
Here is what is pushing me to blog....(sorry it's long - I'll work on that)
So I had something pop in my heart and head today that I am still trying to get a clear perspective on. I spoken about twice with different people and it is not much clearer than when I began. So here it is – for you to read and digest and ___________ (you fill in the blank).
A few weeks ago: I went to the Portland Homeless Connect at the Convention Center – incredible opportunity to receive assistance and tangible help (everything from dental and vision to identification cards and clothing, even temporary housing). I left and went to grab a slice at my bro-in-law’s NE Broadway and 15th Schmizza. I passed a homeless guy – hoping he wouldn’t ask me for anything – but then I was drawn back to him to tell what was happening at the convention center. I did, he smiled, and we went our separate ways.
Today: I am stopping by NE Broadway and 15th Peet’s for a beverage and maybe a new insulated cup – one that will fit in the cup holders of my ‘new-to-me’ car. As I find a place to park, there is the same homeless dude – right there where I am parking. I contemplate ‘making a phone call’ and looking the other way, but choose to get moving instead. As I get out of my car, the homeless dude looks, recognizes me and says “hey, man” in a friendly I-remember-you manner.
I say hello and ask him if ever went to get some help that day we talked. He said he got some food, and could I get him some orange juice. At that moment I was suspended among a few things: he smelled worse than any other human I have ever encountered; do I do this when I know he gets cash thrown his way constantly (he buys pizza from my bro-in-law); how does this help?
So I get him OJ and he says thanks. I encourage him to watch for the next Portland Homeless Connect…”unless you want to be out here (on the street)” – he smiles, laughs a little, looks me in the eye and honestly says he likes being out here. I ask him his name, “Lawrence of Arabia” and he opens the drenched sleeping bag he is wrapped in – letting out the combined smell of dirt, urine, feces – and extends a hand to me. What do I do? He is without a doubt the worst smelling human I have ever been around, his fingernails are surrounded in black sick crud, he is covered in filth – so I take his hand, shake, look in his eye and tell him that I’m ‘Randy of Portland’ – he smiles and says see ya around.
I go wash my hand, get my beverage and try to not walk to close to him as I head back to my car – which I still don’t have a good coffee cup for (perspective).
I am perplexed, but I have to get to the office – there are things to get done, phone calls to make, schedules to prepare, needs to be met, etc…. As I reflect on the experience I am drawn towards the loud rockin’ music whose singer is saying ‘he wished the world would be destroyed, we’re all idiots and deserve to drown and that God is stupid.’ = He probably wrote those lyrics in a sweet hotel room or a killer house, or maybe he wrote it when he crashed his $500,000 car into a wall because he was drunk – you get the picture.
What a perspective.
I just talked with, and then still tried to avoid, a homeless dude that likes where he is at (remember his smell and clothes), while I drove my nice car to a good job while the band sang about how lame God and the world are.
How does this all fit together? I don’t really know.
But it has impacted my perspective.
This really needs to be more a conversation than a reading. Both conversations I have had have been much clearer than this attempt to write a ‘short’ e-mail.
Trying to not be busy,
Randy
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